Molly Parker’s Day Off

“Molly?  Molly?” I turned around in my bed, moaning.

“What’s the matter!  Molly?”

I blinked slowly.  Open and close.  Open and close.

“Emily?”

“It hurts Emily…”  I wailed,

“You don’t have a fever, but you say you don’t feel well?  And you’re seeing spots?  And your Stomach’s hurting?”

“I’m fine… I’ll get up…”

She pushed me back into bed.

“No!”

“I’m ok…”  I said in my most sickening tone, “I want to go to college so I can have a fruitful life.  I have a test today!”

“Why are your hands so  cold and clammy then?” Emily looked at me worriedly.

“Oh, fine!  What’s this, what’s her problem?”

Emily looked into my sister’s eyes, “She doesn’t feel well.”

She smirked, “Yeah right..”

“Kit?  Kit, is that you?  I can’t see that far!  Kit, I….”

With that convincing act, I fell back onto the bed.

“Thank you for that Kit.  Now get to school,”  Emily replied firmly.

“Wait, you’re letting her stay home?  I can’t believe this, if I was bleeding my eyes out, you wouldn’t let me go to school, this is so unfair!”

“Kit, please don’t be upset with me.  You have your health, be thankful..”  I looked at her with meaning,

Emily swooned.

“That’s it!  I want out of this family!”  And with that, my sister stormed out of my bedroom.

 

Now Molly, I have to go to work today, but if you need anything just call me, got it?”

“okie dokie, I’ll just sleep all day.”

She blew me a kiss and headed off.

She bought it.

Incredible.  One of the worst performances of my career, and they never doubted it for a second.

How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this.

This is my 9th sick day this semester.  It’s getting pretty tough to come up with new illnesses, if I go for 10, I’m gonna have to barf up a lung.  So I better make this one count.

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.  It’s a good non specific symptom, and I’m a big believer in it.

A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office.  That’s worse than school.

You fake a stomach cramp, then when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.  I know it seems a little stupid, but then again, so is middle school.

Life moves pretty fast.  If your don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

And now it’s time to call my best friend, Cameron.

One thing about Cameron, he is the most uptight person you will ever meet.

“And that would be a No.”

“Cameron!  Come on!  It’s time to have some real fun today!”  I begged him,

“No.  I’m dying. I literally have a real ear infection.  My mom will kill me if she finds out I snuck out already, I’m not risking it.”

“You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything better to do. Fine then, I’ll stay home and make you chicken soup.  Then you leave, so you don’t upset your mom.”

“Finally!  Yes, thank you!”

“I’m constantly keeping you in ckeck, making sure you don’t get in the biggest trouble of your life, and you finally repay me!”

I looked him in the eyes, stood up, and walked out. Of course, he followed me.  That’s what he is.  A follower.

“You’re impossible!” he said under his breath,

“Why thank you.  Now let’s have some real fun.”

…

“Why would we go to a shoestore Molly? How is this fun for you?”

I snickered, “because I think you need some new shoes!”  I pointed at the ones I had forced him to try on.

“Come on!  Give me back my real shoes!”  he pleaded, but I shook my head.

“they’re patriotic shoes Cam, if we’re going to have fun, you need to wear something weird.  I’m weird all the time, but you… you are so normal and boooring.” 

“I am NOT boring Molly Parker!  How could I be best friends with you since kindergarten, and be boring? It’s impossible!”

“Not totally impossible.  Now, we’re buying those.”  I laughed as he grumbled all the way to the check out counter.

I looked into his eyes, still giggling about the shoes, “You know, the shoes aren’t that bad!”

He laughed, “They have stars on them Molly!  STARS!”

I slipped away to the street, leaving him still talking to himself.

“C’mon, Moll’s, would you wear these?”  He looked around frantically,  “Molly?”

“Molly where’d you go?”

Lucky for him, not far.  All it took was for me to knock out the guy in the front parade float, and the spot was all mine.

Ah, yes, it was the heritage parade.

Of course.  Well, I was about to blow the heritage parade away.

I picked up the earpiece microphone the man dropped when I pushed him off, much to the parade’s horror.

He’ll be ok.  Maybe.

 

The dancers behind me swooshed their skirts around, and the tissue paper of the pinata crinkled in the cool wind.

I looked at Cameron.  He waved to me from the rather large crowd piled up on the sidewalks, running along with the parade.

I spoke into my microphone earpiece, “Having fun?”

Everybody cheered, and Cameron shouted louder than anyone else.

I looked back at the dancers behind me, and all of their expressions read, ” if you don’t get off this float, we’re going to call the police,”  so I jumped off the float like a ninja.

…

“Emily is going to kill you.”  Cameron told me,

“How do you think she’s gonna do it?”  I asked him curiously,

“I don’t know, she’d probably just make you eat avacado.”

I mimicked throwing up, and Cameron laughed.

“I had fun today.  How about you?”

 

 

“YOu know what Molly Parker?”

I blushed, “What?”

“I think your day off is over.”  He pulled out his phone, “It’s 2:00.”

My expression turned paler than ever.

I picked up my fedora, and sprinted away, hopping over fences, as Cameron waved and shouted, “I’m keeping these shoes!”

The end

Idk.  😛

Inspired by Ferris Bueller’s Day off!  ❤

Advertisement